If I apologized
by PegasusWings
Summary: Cassandra July had always loved Shelby Corcoran, but her stubborn and bitchy attitude had always gotten in her way. 18 years had gone by since that night when they were younger, the accident that Cassandra had so carelessly got herself into by being drunk. Shelby had never forgiven her and seeing her after all this time only brought it up for her...But can they rekindle that flame?
1. Chapter 1

Cassandra sighed as she packed away her papers from the morning session, the Freshman having no talent in her eyes. "There has to be at least one" she sighed. The talent was just not the same in this day and age. She often thought about her own failure on Broadway, The Dan Yankees forever haunting her. She stopped her actions as she heard the doors to the dance hall open. "Schwimmer I don't have time for your shrill, irritating voice" Cassandra sighed putting down her papers and leaning on the desk as she turned around, she then stopped talking as her eyes fell on an middle aged brunette, rather than the platypus faced freshman. "Um, can I help you?" Cassandra asked upon seeing the brunette. The brunette smiled softly and strolled up holding out her hand to shake. "Shelby Corcoran" she said warmly, looking down to her hand. Cassandra narrowed her eyes slightly. "I asked if I could help you, not your name" She said sharply, almost too sharply for a first meeting. Shelby pursed her lips and sighed,  
"Sure, I just wanted to talk to you about booking the dance studio, you see my daughter needs somewhere to practise and I wondered if you could open up a slot on the Wednesday? I wanted to turn up and help her, and Wednesday is my only free day" she pointed out. Cassandra arched an eyebrow. "And that's my problem why?" she asked picking up her hand bag, her eyes raking down the shorter brunette, seeing something familiar in her, but what that was she couldn't have been sure of.

Cassandra walked past the brunette, Starbucks on her agenda; she needed coffee fast. Shelby sighed and looked to her. "Oh come on, does it really matter? I thought I'd be nice and ask. But I suppose I can get permission elsewhere, I mean your word isn't God here." Shelby laughed bitterly shaking her head. "I was simply being polite" She continued. Cassandra stopped in her tracks and turned to look at her, her eyes cold but a little flicker of fight in them. "My word IS God in MY studio" she almost hissed, her insecurities rising. Shelby folded her arms and smirked. "Oh fine, wouldn't want you to frazzle your head there… Cassandra" Shelby laughed knowing exactly who the blonde was. Cassandra gripped her hand bag tighter; she couldn't understand why her fighting techniques felt wasted, the brunette's coy smile making her comments useless. Cassandra gritted her teeth and strode away.  
"You're really going to just run away again?" Shelby laughed making Cassandra freeze, she thought they were over this, for she really did know the brunette. Cassandra looked back not being able to keep the hurt from her eyes. "18 years, a life time for some, well most actually, especially in your Freshman class" Shelby laughed bitterly walking slowly over to Cassandra, Cassandra stood herself up trying to not show Shelby that she was affected.  
"Fuck you" she hissed, her eyes narrowing. "Just, fuck you" she said quietly, Shelby rolled her eyes.  
"Fuck me? After what you did? Oh that's real rich, but I'm not getting into this...I'm over you and I am simply asking as one professional to another to use your dance studio, if you are going to be that same arrogant child you always have been then whatever" Shelby shrugged. Cassandra watched Shelby carefully as Shelby shook her head leaving her in the empty space. Cassandra stared to the door remembering what she had tried to repress for so long, she walked over to the doors and locked them after the brunette left, her heart heavy and the need for coffee, turning to a need for liquor.

_18 years ago, New York City- Cassandra_

Cassandra was _depressed without Shelby, she found herself nursing a bottle of Whiskey that was really of no comfort to her at all. She hated to argue with the brunette, but they had too many conflicting opinions and it couldn't be helped…But Cassandra knew she was hopelessly in love with her and the fact that Shelby had avoided her only tire her heart open. Cassandra threw the bottle to the side once finished, too drunk to realize it had smashed, she shrugged and hung her head with a long sigh, closing her eyes, and getting up dizzily. She needed more liquor and fast, grabbing her jacket she headed for the liquor shop swaying slightly as she walked down the busy street; she wasn't even bothered if people were looking at her. That was when the taxi driver hit her. Driving up on the curb and hitting the blonde, the taxi driver panicked his steering off in the rickety old cab but Cassandra too drunk to jump out of the way; her lightning fast reflexes affected by the Whiskey. She smashed her head onto the bonnet as the car struck, and fell backwards hitting her head again. Cassandra laughed dizzily in a clear concussion and by the fact she felt like a ragdoll due to the alcohol intake, her neck damaged and her shoulder dislocated from the fall. She dizzily hummed on the side on the pavement, her eyes fluttering as she tried to stay awake, the alcohol and concussion pressing her eyelids to shut. A woman rushed to her side to help her, whilst a man barked not to move her. Cassandra groaned slightly as the pain was now too much, even for the alcohol to hide, coming through as a dull ache. "Oh lighten up you dorks" she moaned, her sassy self-coming through before she gritted her teeth fighting the concussion, She strained to look to her side and was amazed by the position her arm was in, could it be bent back that way? Cassandra squinted as she considered this before her eyes simply fluttered shut, her injuries to severe to keep her awake any longer._


	2. Chapter 2

__**AU: Just for reference, Shelby doesn't have Beth, but she did have Rachel…But I will get round to explaining it all in the flashbacks to come, please review guys!**

Shelby sat staring at the wall in the café down the street to her apartment. Seeing Cassandra was something she had always tried to prepare herself for, but she couldn't help how angry she was at the blondes attitude towards what had happened all those years ago. Shelby twisted the spoon in her cup and looked down into it, she sighed softly and felt her heart sink more.

_18 years ago, New York City- Shelby and Cassandra._

"You think I don't know that?" Cassandra hissed, her eyes narrowing as she shouted at Shelby. "I told you, we'll be fine you have to get some fucking faith into that head of yours, it's like you don't even trust me a little! We'll work things out…I promise" The blonde shouted getting annoyed at the fact the brunette wouldn't listen to her. "Cass, we can't just keep going on that fact you 'might' get those roles, you can't live in New York for free and we need money…we can't ignore that fact, I can't live on 'trust me' It's not possible" Shelby sighed sadly running a hand through her hair, as she watched Cassandra pace angrily. "So, what? Are you giving up me?…on us? Christ Shelby, I gave up who I was, the bitch next door routine. Just for you" she sighed looking to Shelby sadly. Shelby being the only person in the world she would be weak with. Cassandra frowned and looked to the floor as Shelby stayed silent." Look we can make it work honestly we can" Cassandra said coming closer to Shelby feeling as though she was begging. "Come on, I am a lovely blonde 19 year old…with a fabulous body. Some Broadway show has to give me a job, I mean the dancing spoon opened a few doors, remember when I told you about that? Before we came out here to live alone" She said trying to make the brunette laugh, Shelby smiled softly and rested her forehead against the blondes. "It's not going to be enough" She said quietly, she sighed softly. "Perhaps I should go home, live with my parents? We could still see each other, but it would be cheaper….we could save up and my parents could pay for me to go to college. Then when I have a job we'll buy another place in the city?" Shelby asked, Cassandra immediately shook her head. "No no, we CAN do this…you don't need them, please Shelbs, I mean you're going places on Broadway, along with me…It may seem stupid now, but I know we are cut out for this and i..I…I love you" Cassandra whisper for the first time properly, making Shelby smile even though her heart was still full of worry. "I love you too Cass" Shelby said gently kissing the blondes forehead. "But love doesn't pay the bills or make overdue rent letters disappear" Shelby said sadly turning to look at the letters on the coffee table. Cassandra hung her head. "I'm sorry Cass but I have to move out, we'll only be evicted….may as well beat them to the punch, this doesn't change how I feel about you at all." Shelby said getting up to go to the bedroom. "I'm sorry"


	3. Chapter 3

__

"So this is your new dive?" Cassandra asked stepping up to the table Shelby was sat at in the coffee shop, Shelby looked up slowly her eyes full of anger. Cassandra shifted her weight to each foot feeling awkward, Shelby still having the power over her. Shelby gritted her teeth and looked back down to her coffee. "Do you remember the club, Paper Moon? I thought that was our scene…though they closed down that Rat trap years ago" Cassandra huffed and seated herself; Shelby ignored the blonde and went back to fiddling with her spoon in her drink. Cassandra watched the brunette trying to find the words to say. "I am sorry…okay?" Cassandra sighed making Shelby look up as she caught a whiff of alcohol on the blonde's breath. "Still fucking drinking though aren't we?" Shelby snapped making Cassandra swallow hard. "It was a s-shock seeing you" she stuttered, Shelby held her tongue and pushed her chair back to leave. "Please, don't go…let's talk about things it's been too long and we need to put this to rest for once and for all….otherwise it'll keep getting up like the zombie it is" Cassandra grabbed Shelby's arm to stop her going, which Shelby quickly took away as if she had been burnt. "You nearly died" Shelby suddenly said after a few moments of silence. Cassandra sat up and felt her eyes fill with tears at the woman's words, they were going to do this. Shelby breathed nosily, her breaths shuddering as her own eyes welled with tears, thinking she had put the hurt and emotions for the blonde behind her. "I know" Cassandra said quietly, ashamed of herself. Shelby turned to look at her. "And yet you didn't care, because you were too damn addicted to drinking and insecure of your feelings that you would never fucking admit…I was heartbroken hearing that you were in that hospital in a fucking coma!" Shelby shouted allowing a couple of tears to drop, making people look up at them. Cassandra nodded shakily. "I was stupid, yes…..But I thought we were over and the whiskey was there and I guess I didn't see that taxi, I am sorry" Cassandra tried, but Shelby laughed bitterly. "No you ASSUMED because I wouldn't live with you that we were over! And you were full of so much pride you didn't actually call, so I got the message that you were back to that selfish blonde I fell in love with that night in the bar, the one who I bedded, but eventually grew accustomed to, I thought you changed…but no after one little argument, you reverted back and nearly died" Shelby ranted almost spitting as she got angrier. Cassandra knew this had to come one day, but 18 years was too long to wait for a telling off. "You knew I had a problem with alcohol…but that accident was not my fault" Cassandra objected. Shelby stared through her.  
"We were working through it, so don't give me that bullshit…you went out to get back at me, and you knew it and then low and behold, being drunk got you hit by the taxi and put in hospital…your mother told me that!" Shelby growled, leaning on the table to stare out Cassandra but then stopping. "Why am I even doing this?...it's been so long and like I told you in the studio, I have moved on" Shelby pointed out, "So let's just stay out of each other's lives" Shelby dismissed. "I'm done, so goodbye again, try not to drink yourself into a stupor and get hit by a taxi this time…although this time I actually am leaving you" Shelby spat making Cassandra wince. Cassandra looked down and felt her tears roll down her cheek but crying for someone wasn't her. She sniveled and sighed, but a thought clicked. "How did you afford to come back here anyway? I imagine you ran back to Daddy?" Cassandra accused cattily.

_18 years ago, New York City- Shelby_

Shelby stood by the window to Cassandra's hospital room, seeing the girl she wanted to love wired up and unconscious was something that crushed her soul. Shelby placed a hand upon the glass and watched as Cassandra's mother idly flipped through a magazine, the blonde's mother never having cared for her. Cassandra had been like this for the past two weeks and Shelby hadn't slept at all. She was basically living at the hospital, her family having given up on her, finding their daughter was a lesbian was too much for her father to handle. Shelby was indeed homeless, she belongings packed up into a storage space, Shelby wrapped her arms around herself as she walked down the corridor, and she needed to find a way to stay. "Hey Shelby!" A voice called after her, Shelby turned slowly and spotted Cassandras mother, "Hey boo…come here" the woman said trying to be sweet and pulling Shelby into a hug, but the effect not quite there. Shelby shuddered at the hug, the scent of Cassandra lingering on the older woman's fur coat, but also smothered with the smells of Gin and cigarette smoke "I hear you're pretty much living here? And you are homeless and jobless?" the older blonde asked, Shelby nodded. "Yeah, I can't afford to stay here at all…I need money really badly but nowhere will hire me as I missed out on college" Shelby whimpered shaking her head. Cassandras mother pursed her lips. "Well if getting away and a job is what you want then I have a solution" the woman assured lifting up Shelby's chin. Shelby's eyes lit up, "Really?!" she beamed, Cassandras mother nodded and pulled out her purse, before handing Shelby a business card. Shelby looked over the card and gasped. "Wait, I don't want to be a surrogate for someone…I couldn't Shelby gulped trying to hand back the card, amazed that her girlfriends…well, ex-girlfriends mother had even suggested this. Cassandras mother shook her head. "Oh but dear, its excellent money…you can get around $300,000 by doing it….and I think that's money you could use" the woman insisted pushing the card back. Shelby looked down to the card. "$300,000?" she swallowed, the older blonde nodded. "Oh yeah, and that can pay for all the things you need….just nine months work and all that cash, it's like a well-paid lawyers job, just without the hassle or qualifications...and maybe, you can even get away from all of this for those months" she assured gesturing to the hospital, Shelby sighed softly. Did she have a choice? and this most certainly was a viable option for her, but to Shelby it felt so wrong to even consider it, after all she was nothing more than a stupid kid. Shelby turned away from the blonde and wandered away down the corridor, the business card still in hand, her eyes transfixed by the words.


	4. Chapter 4

__Shelby stood staring to Cassandra as she asked her question. "I went to college" Shelby said with a shrug. "I went to college and I got a good job, it's how I afforded to stay" Shelby shrugged. Cassandra laughed. "It's weird, because I swear my mom told me that your dad had practically disowned you, because of me…you must have grovelled a lot, either that or you're lying" Cassandra laughed bitterly raising and eyebrow as she looked at Shelby's nervous behaviour. "It's none of your business how I managed to stay here…so just…..shut up" Shelby said her voice quietening as she thought back to how she had really been able to stay. Cassandra tilted her head. "Hmmm someone looks guilty there, I mean how else could you afford my medical bills?" Cassandra continued standing up so she was closer to Shelby, at the mention of the medical bills Shelby cringed, her eyes closing softly. "I suppose I should cut you a cheque? After all….they weren't cheap" Cassandra smiled as she realized she had caught out Shelby. Shelby felt herself edging towards the door. Cassandra thought more to herself as she took a step towards Shelby with every step back the brunette did. "So you said that you have a daughter right?...yet they don't live with you and are in NYADA…" Cassandra said quietly the realization seeming to seep in, knowing full well the circles her mother mixed in when she was younger. "meaning…you were about 19 when you had her…so" Cassandra paced slightly her tone full of accusation, Shelby couldn't help but look down, her heart heavy and knowing full well what Cassandra was implying. "Oh just say it" Shelby bit out looking up to Cassandra with hurt, tear filled eyes. Cassandra swallowed and felt her own tears build as she looked upon the guilty brunette her mind not being able to understand how her Shelby could have done something like she was imagining. "Did you…become someone's surrogate?" she asked simply. Shelby stayed looking down and nodded slowly and wordlessly allowing tears to drop from thick eye lashes. Cassandras eyes widened and she swallowed again. "You did that?...to pay for my bills?" she asked quieter, knowing that people could still hear them. Shelby looked up in disgust. "Not just for you…so I could live here, 9 months work for a fee which could leave me jobless for a while, while I found my feet" Shelby corrected. Cassandra stared to Shelby, guilt rising and forming a lump in her throat, she looked to all the sadness in the brunettes deep chocolate eyes…seeing that the girl of 19 had clearly had no other choice all those years ago. "Why didn't you tell me?...I could have helped" Cassandra asked, her tone soft and reflecting some of her 19 year old caring self. "Helped? Yes, because being in a coma would have allowed you to help. I ran out of options and that was there, besides it got me away for a while, which was what I needed more than anything" Shelby admitted, Cassandra visibly wincing at her words. Shelby sighed and looked to the door. "Cass, this is old news and a part of my life I am not ready to relive, can we not just leave it…you know now and that should be enough. I'm just tired and want to live my life now, not keep finding myself back in the past" Shelby almost pleaded softly, Cassandra sighed and looked to her feet. "I'm so sorry Shelby…I really am, but please don't just leave me again…meet me for dinner, I want to get to know you. Whilst you can't love me, at least be my friend?" Cassandra asked gently. "If you still want to hate me after dinner, then you can go…I promise" she urged. Shelby turned away from the blonde and went to leave, she paused before opening the door. "Fine, meet me at Demi's around 8pm…like we used to" she said before leaving the blonde to herself.

_18 years ago, New York City-Cassandra_

Cassandra murmured and shifted in the bed as she came round from her coma, her eyelids fluttered as she tried to open her eyes, her mind full of confusion as to where she was. She strained to tilt her head to the side looking for Shelby. She coughed and groaned trying her best to speak. "Shel-" she tried but she felt a hand upon hers, she looked over to see her mother's face and her heart dropped immediately. "Cassie, I'm happy to see you're awake sweetie" her mother said happily, even if her tone lacked some affection that a mother should have. Cassandra's eyebrows knitted together as she looked upon her mother, not understanding why Shelby was nowhere to be seen. "Where's…Shelby?" she asked, breathlessly trying her best to speak. Cassandras mother sighed and sat back in her chair. "She's not here, she's out of town as far as I know Cassie. But I'm sure she means well" the older blonde assured keeping hold of Cassandras hand. Cassandra felt tears surge and she tried her best to move so she could sit up, her heart screaming out for her to find Shelby. Cassandra felt herself growl out loudly as wires constricted her movement. Her mother pushed her back down on the bed carefully. "Cassie, easy does it…I'm sure Shelby will be back soon, but for now you have to rest…its lucky that you're alive, so its going to take some time" her mother said slowly taking her hands from the blonde as Cassandra lay back staring up at the ceiling. "I'll go and get the nurse okay?" her mother said standing and making her way over to the door, leaving Cassandra alone with her thoughts, the blonde lay rigid as she looked up to the light on the ceiling, it blinked occasionally and Cassandra stared through it as she thought about Shelby. She knew she had lost her, why had she gotten herself so drunk in the first place? Was she really that insecure deep down? Cassandra shifted again, pulling a wire that made her groan again. She needed to find the brunette, she needed to tell her she was sorry. Shelby was the only person Cassandra could say that word to, and she knew the brunette needed to her it.


	5. Chapter 5

Shelby made her way to Demi's, she had dressed simply but she still looked beautiful to Cassandra, who was already seated. Her breath hitching as her eyes fell on the brunette that had stolen her heart all those years ago. Shelby approached Cassandra with an unreadable expression. "Hi" Shelby said simply seating herself not allowing Cassandra to help her. "Cassandra smiled and nodded, too nervous to vocalize a greeting. "You got our table" Shelby laughed bitterly shaking her head as she placed a napkin on her lap, before looking back up to Cassandra. "Well, it's our table" Cassandra shrugged nonchalantly taking a sip of her water only wishing it was something stronger. Shelby felt herself smile slightly inside, the fact Cassandra had remembered that little detail made her heart skip slightly, but she quickly shook away the thought as the waitress came to take their order. Cassandra skimmed over the menu as if she was on the fence about what she wanted to have, but Shelby smiled and looked to the waitress, "She'll have the steak rare, but not mooing…she doesn't want to have to kill her food herself" Shelby said reciting the order that she had heard Cassandra say over and over again all those years ago. Cassandra's eyes couldn't help but light up at Shelby's words, Shelby felt herself smile towards Cassandra and then looked down knowing she shouldn't lead her on.  
"What is this? Do my eyes deceive me?" A loud voice boomed making Shelby and Cassandra sit up with wide eyes, the women turned and looked to see the restaurant owner Leroy stood with his hands on his hips. "Hes still here?" Cassandra hissed with a slight laugh but shocked eyes, making Shelby shrug with a smirk. Leroy came and put his arms around the women laughing as he held them close almost squishing Shelby and Cassandra together awkwardly, they squirmed hating to be so close together. "You two stayed together, I knew it..You were kids when you were here…and now you are women!" The man laughed heartily, Cassandra felt the need to pull away hating to be close to Shelby without her wanting to be close to her. "No…we aren't together Leroy" Shelby corrected finally pulling back, she looked to the older Italian man as his face dropped. "What? But you are Chelby…Cassandra, Shelby" Leroy said speaking with his hands as he gestured between the two women. Shelby looked over to Cassandra as he said this and she shrugged. "Things just didn't work out….I'm sorry" Shelby said softly to Leroy, hating to hear the words out allowed. Cassandra's heart couldn't help but clench at the brunettes casual attitude to the fact they were no more.

19 years ago, New York City- Shelby

_Shelby sat herself in a booth at Demi's she hadn't been to the restraint before and it was somewhere she had been told to try by friends…In fact they were meant to be meeting her at the tiny place. The brunette ran a hand through her hair and sighed softly as she waited, always perking up as she heard the door go. After an hour Shelby's face had dropped and she sat picking at the corners of her placemat, her heart sunken in her chest for the useless so called friends she had. "Are you gonna order anything?" A voice asked, making Shelby look up, her eyes fell on a blonde waitress that looked around her age, Shelby stayed quiet and just looked to the blonde. "You've been sat here for an hour and yeah I need my tips cos, I need to eat myself and you sitting and nursing water like that Isn't really gonna help…So how about you order something?" The blonde continued, she had a little spark in her eyes that made Shelby speechless. "Um…No I think I'll just call it a night to be honest" she sighed sadly collecting her things together, the blonde furrowed her eyebrows together. "Hey, it's cool...I didn't mean to upset you, well I was honest about the tips thing…a girl has still gotta eat" she laughed, her tone softer now. Shelby looked up to the blonde and smiled slightly. "I guess I could eat something…what would you recommend?" Shelby asked softly making the blonde grin slightly before cursing slightly as someone started shouting at her from the kitchen. "Two secs" the blonde said to Shelby before walking off and shouting back to the other person, her words cutting like a knife and making Shelby giggle. Shelby felt a little better by the blonde stranger as she had a smile that could melt butter and eyes that were as intoxicating as a moving fire. After a short while the blonde returned and took off her apron she held to plates of cherry pie and pushed one to Shelby. "free pie? It's good for the soul" she beamed and sat down, Shelby smirked and took the plate and pulled it towards her. "Thanks" she smiled softly, making the blonde grin like wild. "So tell me, my mysterious brunette amigo…what's bothering you?" The blonde asked._


End file.
